Bake Shop by SirMarhalt WAM: pies, m/f, leather
This is the first story I ever wrote. I'm reposting it because I'm sort of out of ideas. Those of you who remember the old "Love American Style" pie fight episode may see where I got my inspiration.
None of this would have happened if my girlfriend could control her sugar tooth. Stephanie is one of those people who can pretty much eat whatever they want and still look perfect. And I do mean perfect. Steph is a willowy brunette who moves with the grace of a dancer - even though she doesn't dance or partake in any kind of physical activity that resembles exercise. She has big brown eyes with long lashes and a great smile. I never get tired of looking at her, even when she's dressed casually, as she was that day in a dark brown leather jacket and tight blue jeans over cowboy boots. She was wearing her long brown hair swept up in the back and had her sunglasses perched on top like women do when they're more interested in making a fashion statement than seeing clearly.
It was a cool fall afternoon and we had been driving around town running errands when Steph decided we would have coconut cream pie for dessert that evening.
"Oh, great," I grumbled. "Remind me to run 5 miles instead of 3 tomorrow morning."
"If you stop whining maybe we can engage in some other form of calorie-burning activity this evening so you won't have to run at all," Steph said with a smile.
"Hmmm, coconut cream pie is starting to sound pretty good all of the sudden."
"Well, hurry up then, the bakery closes early on Saturdays," Steph commanded.
We got to our (Steph's) favorite bakery 15 minutes before it was supposed to close and we were the only customers in the store. The girl behind the counter was completely absorbed in a phone conversation and totally ignored us for a long time. I've become quite used to the poor service that is pretty common everywhere these days but it just drives Steph nuts. She paced back and forth while the girl prattled on about her latest visit to the hairdresser.
"Wait 'till you see my hair, Carol, I look great! It cost me a hundred dollars but it was worth every penny..." Despite my impatience, I couldn't agree more. She was your basic college-age beauty with big blue eyes and long blond hair that was tousled and coifed to perfection. She was standing behind the counter in profile to me so that I could fully appreciate how her well-tanned body barely fit into her white bakery uniform.
I put my elbows on the counter, sighed theatrically, and stared at her. I knew this would get Steph's attention and sure enough, I immediately felt a rough tap on my shoulder.
I turned and saw Steph holding one of the cream pies that was sitting on the counter. "Do you really want to piss me off in a room full of pies?" she said with mock anger.
"Yikes," I responded quickly. "EXCUSE ME miss, would you mind waiting on us now?" I said in a loud voice.
"Gotta go Carol. See you at the club tonight. What can I do for you sir?" she said in a slightly too friendly tone.
"We'd like a ..." Steph began.
"I'll get to you in a minute," the girl interrupted as I winced and stepped back.
"If you hadn't been on the phone when we came in you would have noticed we're together," snapped Steph.
At that moment the door opened and a beautiful, richly dressed woman came striding in quickly. She wore an unfastened black leather jacket over a white silk blouse, a tight black leather skirt that went to her knees, and expensive-looking black leather gloves. Her shoulder-length thick black hair, high cheekbones, and lovely olive/tan complexion suggested Italian or Spanish heritage. She looked like she just stepped out of the pages of Vogue magazine.
"Hello, my name is Jennifer Bonnaro and I'm here to pick up my sister's birthday cake."
"It's right here, Ms. Bonnaro," the girl responded as she bent down under the counter. She put a large cake with thick white frosting on the counter.
"Excuse me, but you were waiting on us," snarled Steph.
Jennifer looked at us like she had just noticed us and said, "I hope you don't mind but I'm in a terrible hurry."
"We do mind, and we're in a hurry too!" snapped Steph.
Jennifer rolled her eyes and motioned for the girl to wait on us.
"We'll have a deep dish coconut cream pie," said Steph. "Make sure you put lots of coconut sprinkles on top."
"If we have any coconut cream pies left they're in the back," the girl said indifferently. "Why don't you just take one of the banana cream pies here on the counter?"
"Why don't you kiss my... " Steph began.
"Would you mind looking back there for one?" I interrupted in as friendly a tone as I could manage.
The girl shrugged, gave Steph a dirty look, and went into the back room.
"Remind me to call and complain about this on Monday..." Steph said as I suddenly noticed the aroma of cigar smoke. I turned and looked at Jennifer. She took a puff from a long thin cigar and regarded us both with amusement.
"Don't you see that NO SMOKING sign?" I asked.
She walked up and stood right in front of me. Just as I was beginning to enjoy the smell of her perfume she took a deep drag and slowly blew a large cloud of smoke into my face. "Sorry, I guess I didn't see it with all the smoke in here."
"That looks like a nice cigar. How much did you pay for it?" I asked.
"I don't know, ten dollars, maybe," she said indifferently.
I pulled a ten-dollar bill out of my wallet and handed it to her. Then I snatched the cigar out of her hand and extinguished it in one of the pies sitting on the counter.
"I guess we'll have to buy one of these banana cream pies now," I said to an open-mouthed Steph.
Jennifer pulled another cigar out of her purse, lit it, and looked at me reflectively. Then she walked over to the counter and picked up a pie. Using the gloved hand with the cigar she held it up in the air like a waitress and walked back over to me. As she slowly pushed the pie into my face and twisted it back and forth she said, "I guess I'll have to buy one too."
I stood with my head tilted back slightly so the pie and crust stayed on my face and I listened to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She seemed to be enjoying my humiliation so much that I held that pose while I considered how to respond. I decided to have a sense of humor about the whole thing and let these women have a good laugh at my expense.
I can never stay mad at Steph very long and Jennifer was so drop-dead gorgeous that I found myself wanting to please her too. The pie consisted of a layer of very thick whipped cream and a deep layer of banana pudding with the consistency of a mousse. I just let it stick to my face and stood there with my hands behind my back looking like a fool while Steph laughed. Jennifer didn't make a sound but I could sense she was still standing in front of me.
Finally, I wiped just enough pie out of my eyes so that I could see and then let the crust slide slowly down my face and onto my shirt and jacket. I opened my eyes to see Jennifer's sensuous red lips just inches from mine. She slowly blew a stream of cigar smoke into my face and said, "So what do you like better, pie in the face or smoke in the face?"
Steph walked over and picked up a pie and said, "Nobody does that to my boyfriend," she said as she glared at Jennifer, "except me." Then she pushed the pie into my face. Once again, I stood there with my head tilted back, letting the pie stick to my face while I listened to them laughing at me. Then I heard Steph say something that made me start to lose my sense of humor.
"Hey, could I bum a cigar off of you? I've never tried one before." Steph will sneak the occasional cigarette but only when she thinks I don't notice. She knows it pisses me off. I wiped the pie off my face just in time to see Jennifer give Steph a light.
The girl emerged from the back room saying, "Well, you're in luck - I found a coconut cream pie back there. Here's a box of sprinkles - put as many on as you... " she stopped when she saw me. "Hey what's going on?" she said with a giggle.
I ignored her and picked up a pie. "This is for lighting that cigar!" I huffed.
"Not so fast, sweetie. You hit me with that pie and you can forget about having *** for a long, long time!" said Steph.
Her tone was convincing enough to stop me just before I let her have it. I held the pie in front of me and looked at the two of them. Steph took a defiant puff on her cigar and stared straight ahead. Jennifer looked at me with amusement as she stood with one hand on her hip and the other holding her cigar up by her face like a fashion model. I knew what I had to do.
"I never answered your question Ms. Bonnaro. I actually prefer pie in the face much more than smoke."
With that, I pushed the pie into my face and slowly twisted it back and forth. I held it there while I listened to all three women laughing at me. I let the pie slide down my face and looked at them.
Jennifer said, "Wherever did you find such a cute, well-trained male? What's his name?"
"Wade. He was easy to train," laughed Steph as she slowly drew her finger across my face and tasted it.
Jennifer said, "You know, Wade, you have no one to blame but yourself for this gooey mess you've become. I bet you'd like cigars much more than pie if you gave them a fair chance. Here, try one." With that, she stuck her cigar between my lips.
"You know Jennifer, I bet you'd like pastry much more than cigars if you gave it a fair chance." As I spoke I walked around behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. I gently turned her around and pushed her face deep into the cake sitting on the counter. I slowly rocked her head back and forth, carefully making sure she got plenty of icing in her thick black hair.
I have to give her credit. I expected her to quickly emerge from the cake and scratch my eyes out. Instead, she showed that she had a sense of humor too. She kept her face stuck down in the cake with frosting up to her ears while she listened to all of us laugh at her. Finally, she carefully placed her hands on the counter and slowly extracted her face out of the cake. Her face looked like it had been plastered with a thick layer of white paste. None of her features were visible. She stood there for a moment with her head held high while the frosting dripped all over her leather jacket and silk blouse. She carefully wiped the frosting out of each eye, taking care to use only one finger so as to keep her gloves as clean as possible. She looked at Steph.
"Would you mind getting a cigar out of my purse?"
Steph laughingly complied. She placed the cigar between Jennifer鋭 lips and lit it for her. Jennifer ignored the mess on her face and acted as if she still looked as **** and sophisticated as she did when she came in. She took a long drag and exhaled.
"No... I definitely prefer cigars."
The girl behind the counter laughed and said, "Well, this has been really entertaining but it's time to close."
Jennifer looked at her and picked up a pie. "The entertainment isn't over just yet," she said with an evil smile. She leaned over and pushed the pie into the girl's face and held it there.
Steph picked up two pies and walked over to the girl, who stood in stunned silence while the pie crust slid down her face and onto her breasts.
"Actually, none of this would have happened if you had waited on us promptly," she said as she gave the girl a pie sandwich. She carefully twisted the pies back and forth until the girl's hair disappeared under several ounces of goo. "Oh, by the way. Love the hair!"
The girl lifted her hands up and tentatively touched her hair and felt nothing but pie. She started a slow burn, picked up a pie, and walked over to Steph.
"Your boyfriend can't hit you with a pie 'cause he wants to get laid tonight. Guess what? I don't have the slightest interest in having *** with you!"
"Wait a minute!" I shouted and stepped between them. The girl stopped and looked at me and put down the pie. Steph breathed a deep sigh of relief. She took another cigar out of Jennifer's purse and lit it while I said, "No, no, no. The lady asked for a coconut cream pie with extra coconut sprinkles. Weren't you listening?"
I picked up the coconut cream pie and added more coconut sprinkles. Then I handed it to the girl and turned and carefully removed the sunglasses that were perched in Steph's hair.
"Okay, now you may proceed," I said as I stepped back.
The girl laughed and slowly pushed the pie into Steph's disbelieving face.
Steph took it well, I thought. She stood there with her hands on her hips and her nose up in the air. I could see her jaw move slightly as she tasted the pie stuck to her face. Finally, she lifted her cigar up to her face and carefully punched a hole through the crust, and took a puff.
"So THIS is what they mean by just desserts," she pronounced as she exhaled a cloud of cigar smoke.
"Here, have seconds on desserts," laughed Jennifer as she carefully plastered Steph's hair with one pie and then gave her another one in the face.
"Nobody does that to my girlfriend," I said as I picked Jennifer up by the waist and carried her over to the counter. I carefully sat her down in the remains of the cake as the white frosting squished out from both sides of her black leather skirt. Then I pushed a pie into her face while Steph came up from behind and gave her a pie sandwich on either side of her head. Finally, I smeared two more pies down the front of her skirt and onto her black leather boots.
Jennifer held her cigar up by her face and used her other gloved hand to wipe some of the pie out of her eyes and hair. She stopped when she saw the mess on her glove. She slowly regarded the pie all over her jacket and skirt. She shrugged and puffed on her cigar.
"If anyone has any suggestions on how I explain this to my dry cleaner I'd like to hear them now!"
Steph and I laughed as we walked out the door.
"So Steph, dear. Technically, you did get some coconut cream pie tonight so I was wondering if..."
She giggled and gave me a long sticky kiss. "This is going to be the best shower you've ever had!"